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As a Woman with Asperger Syndrome
by Wendy Lawson (May/June 03)

As a woman on the autism spectrum I think I encounter certain difficulties that might be connected to my gender. I appreciate we are all different, whatever our gender. However, I do think that at times because I am a woman I am expected to bring 'the closeness' into a relationship. Traditionally men have been accepted as being less emotional, less domestic and less 'needy' in these areas. Men who may be committed to their work and not so socially connected are not seen as odd so much as they are seen as being 'men'! Women who display these same qualities however, may be viewed as being odd. Maybe our 'oddness' appears to stand out more because we may not fit traditional roles and rules.

I have noticed that when women are with other women they seem to have quite specific but unspoken rules about 'women's talk'. For example, as a woman in a predominantly women's group socially (other female family members) I am expected to talk about fashion, clothes, makeup, hair, children, partners, recipes and home decoration. I have found that others do not understand my difficulties with these 'rules' about women talk. If one of these areas was interesting to me I could possibly join in but it would be very difficult to switch between topics. It would be terrific if these unspoken 'rules' could be bent a little and others would take the time to discover what I am interested in. As a woman I have some positive contribution to make to any group or relationship but it might not be 'the traditional' one.

Autism: My Gender

My gender and I are a package.
We come as part of the deal.
"But autism shows far more damage".
"Look at the things that you feel".

I cannot account for these feelings.
Emotions intense and extreme.
But my issues with everyday dealings,
Can cause me to rant, shout and scream.

I don't desire the 'make-up'.
Fashion and high-heels don't appeal.
I don't like perfume or my hair cut,
But my need for 'understanding' is real.

The expectations placed upon me,
Being female and all,
Push me further into pain and grief,
With my back against the wall.

"I cannot multi-task", I say.
"But you must, you're a woman. You can".
You must cook, clean, organise and play
The role that supports your man.

Your children and man depend on you,
You must be strong, in control and sure.
"What if these things I cannot do?"
"What if my timing is poor?"

"You must work harder, try harder to be,
What society says and dictates".
"But both my autism and gender are me, you see'
They both influence my states".

As a woman I function differently.
As a woman I think, see and feel.
As a woman I value all that is me.
My autism is part of the deal.

Wendy Lawson Bss. Bsw (Hons) Gdip (psychstud) Gdip (pychology) is currently working for her PhD in Health Science at Deakin University, Warrnambool in Australia. Her topic is 'Autism and Stress'. Wendy, a mother of four, who was originally diagnosed as being intellectually disabled, then in her teens, as being schizophrenic, and finally in 1994, as having an autism spectrum disorder. She is learning to take control of her life and is finding ways to share her knowledge and experience with others. Wendy is an author of four books, including Life Behind Glass (her autobiography) and Understanding and Working with the Spectrum of Autism. Her youngest son, now 21yrs. of age, was diagnosed at the age of 12, as having Asperger syndrome. Tim loves Rotary engines and proudly drives his 1978 RX7. Wendy prefers piston engines. It takes both kinds of engine to drive a world of difference!