Parent's Corner
Asperger and Beyond: Finding Strategies that Work for Educators and Parents
by Susan Kraus, MSW, LSDSW (March 02)

Tips for Teachers
Parents of children with invisible disabilities are often cranky. They tend to brace themselves for criticism and "bad news" when meeting with educators. Thus, the first step in developing a collaborative model with parents is to start any contact with a positive comment. Indeed, it can never hurt to gush a little* how Jimmy has such a thoughtful look when he's focusing, how he did the cutest thing the other day, how hard he is trying* Parents of kids with Aspergers or PDD, NOS rarely have anyone gush about their kids.
Then you can get to work. Here's a few tips:
1) Any time spent getting a comprehensive picture of a child with an Asperger or PDD, NOS diagnosis at the front end of an academic year will pay off in terms of time and energy. The usual 10-20 minute teacher-parent meeting is grossly inadequate. The time allotted for an IEP conference is often too task-focused and confusing for parents to adequately share what might be important for you to know about their child. It is important to initiate a meeting with parents to ask about the parent's experience. Ask about their priorities. Take notes. Learn from their struggles rather than repeating them.
2) Educate yourself about Aspergers and PDD, NOS. Request information from national organizations, check out web sites, read chapters. It is an investment not only in the particular child but all future children with the diagnosis. Understanding will enable you to teach strategically, and to be proactive rather than reactive. If you understand hyperlexia, you'll be ready when Mary is still clueless even after reading the assignment, and will have alternative learning strategies prepared. If you understand the OCD components*
3) Collaborate with other professionals in your district. Seek continuing education or in-services. Working with these kids can be frustrating* they respond differently, their affect can be flat, they are socially clueless, they can provide little reinforcement, etc. Team up with social workers, psychologists, etc., to generate interventions. Learn about local and regional resources.
4) Be aware that parents of kids with Aspergers and PDD, NOS have often been pathologized. I've never met any that have escaped being criticized and labeled (as inconsistent, arbitrary, too permissive, too rigid, poor boundaries, can't control their kids, etc.) Many are already self-critical. Express empathy (not sympathy), encourage parent to get breaks, refrain from judgement.
5) Teacher-Parent communication is essential. Since kids with Aspergers and PDD, NOS require structure, coordination of expectations, consequences, language use (it does make a difference*these kids can be literal in the extreme) brings results. Collaboration fosters success.

Tips for Parents:
Teachers who are told what they should do, how they should do it, and how the educational system has failed your child tend to get cranky and defensive. They may not see frequent contact with you (the sort of contact that is crucial for collaboration) as gratifying. So, start with a positive. Find something specific to compliment. Appreciate how teaching can be incredibly rewarding but also exhausting. Express how important you feel that the teacher-child relationship is for any child, but especially for your child. Think in terms of enlisting collaboration. Think marketing.
1) Initiate a meeting early on to talk to the teacher about your child. Be prepared. A 1-2-page summary of what has been useful with our son or daughter might be appreciated as long as it describes rather than demands. Share in a brief way our experience of treatments and interventions, positive and negative. Try to provide, concisely, a full picture. Explain the label* "PDD, NOS is on the autism spectrum, so you may find that*." A Xeroxed article or two, brief and direct, may lend credibility to what you say.
2) Foster collaboration. Request weekly reports, whether verbal or written (a checklist is sometimes useful). Journals can work well, if both teacher and parent maintain them, and function also to document patterns growth, recurrent problems, etc. aim for focused and succinct communication. Teachers may have 25 kids (or 125 kids) while you have this one. Respect their boundaries and limits. Don't assume availability. Don't call them at home without asking permission first.
3) Don't expect the teacher to do it all. Organize a GAP (Group Action Plan) or whatever it's called in your district. Get teachers, special ed. folks, social work, counselors, etc., together for monthly brainstorming sessions. Choosing one defined goal for behavioral change that everyone can focus on will generate better results than five different goals in five classrooms. (See sample)
4) Advocate for your child. To be an effective advocate, you can't just state what you want. You have to know the law. Once you have a grasp of the law, you may choose to embrace rather than avoid the label. In reality, a label can open doors to services a child needs. So, educate yourself. Go to workshops. Find parent support groups. Read. Then tackle the system.
5) Social skills are a critical as academics. Ask any kid. If the schools cannot provide adequate intervention and training, don't give up. Social skills are not "extras" for kids with these disabilities, they are core. Because social communication is not absorbed, not reflexive, it must be taught with structure, consistency and creativity.
6) Normalize your child's appearance. Study what the kids are wearing, and strive for invisibility. Be vigilant.
7) Push continuing education for teacher and 'paras' working with your child. When Menningers did a two-day program on PDD, I requested the paraprofessionals working with my daughter be allowed to attend. Two "scholarships" cost me less than two hours of therapy*and my kid benefited every day for a year.
8) Respect your limits. Get time away. An exhausted parent can't be proactive. Divorce cost more than respite care. If you don't have some fun, some pleasure, in you life, you can't keep this up. It's not "normal" parenting. It's more exhausting, more frustrating. Being a martyr does not foster mental health.